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gen_is_goneI want to create something, but my art skills are mediocre, my stories are [Megan metaphor] hovering intangible somewhere just out of reach, and I've lost three crotchet hooks in two weeks.
This last is particularly frustrating as it happened just as I started working on a new blanket and is coming the end of a larger period of hating everything to do with ADD and forgetting things mere instances after mentally reminding myself to write them down so I won't forget them. This is especially bugging right now for any number school related reasons, but also has to do with a tumblr post about someone hating ADHD squirrel jokes. Which, I get that this person hates them being made by people who don't have ADD/ADHD, and I can pretty much check down the list of symptoms they were talking about but...if I don't joke about it then all I have is the worthless/lazy self-loathing and the perpetual "you'd be at the top of the class if you'd just apply yourself" from pretty much every high school teacher I had. I do have ADD moments, where I see something and get completely distracted, or accidentally interrupt someone because just had a thought I need to tell everyone omg, and well, they're funny. And it's better (for me) to laugh at myself and just how stupid ADD can make me act, then get constantly fixated on every fucking thing I forget or fail to do or lose.
So I got to my class worried I'd be late and then realized I'd forgotten that class was canceled today. Then I went and spent almost an hour sitting in a tree think about Snape-love and Snape-hate and fans of Jaime Lannister and anti-fans of Steven Moffat and about how humans are still humans even when committing the kinds of acts that make us convince ourselves they couldn't possibly be. And now I'm here.
This last is particularly frustrating as it happened just as I started working on a new blanket and is coming the end of a larger period of hating everything to do with ADD and forgetting things mere instances after mentally reminding myself to write them down so I won't forget them. This is especially bugging right now for any number school related reasons, but also has to do with a tumblr post about someone hating ADHD squirrel jokes. Which, I get that this person hates them being made by people who don't have ADD/ADHD, and I can pretty much check down the list of symptoms they were talking about but...if I don't joke about it then all I have is the worthless/lazy self-loathing and the perpetual "you'd be at the top of the class if you'd just apply yourself" from pretty much every high school teacher I had. I do have ADD moments, where I see something and get completely distracted, or accidentally interrupt someone because just had a thought I need to tell everyone omg, and well, they're funny. And it's better (for me) to laugh at myself and just how stupid ADD can make me act, then get constantly fixated on every fucking thing I forget or fail to do or lose.
So I got to my class worried I'd be late and then realized I'd forgotten that class was canceled today. Then I went and spent almost an hour sitting in a tree think about Snape-love and Snape-hate and fans of Jaime Lannister and anti-fans of Steven Moffat and about how humans are still humans even when committing the kinds of acts that make us convince ourselves they couldn't possibly be. And now I'm here.
