gen_is_gone: clip art of a slice of cake (equivalent of a shrug)
Having a very NeuroatypicalTM moment at work, babbling about my con books on visual semiotics in Discworld and participitory fan culture in Harry Potter. Have had two grown adult career librarians stare at me in confusion while my rambling petered off into awkward mumbling in mild humiliation. I really need to remember not to talk to people about things I care about.
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Moonbeam and I broke up half an hour before Abq rang in the New Year. It's perhaps more of a relief than something to be sad about, and we both seem to want to remain close as friends, if not romantic partners. So that's how my year started. Really, this is a good thing rather than a bad.
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I just spent the better part of an hour making a works page on TvTropes for a shitty romcom I liked when I was fourteen, in lieu of doing productive things, like Christmas decorating, or homework.

I went to my uncle's for Thanksgiving, where surprisingly, my parents didn't have relationship sniping matches with each other, which was really very pleasant. On the other hand, my uncle and his wife, my cousin and her girlfriend, and another cousin and her fiance all were, which was not.

Aside from that, it's been a reasonably nice Thanksgiving, though smaller by an order of magnitude than some of the previous years, given that with Grandma and Grandpa both now gone, most of my aunts, uncles and cousins don't feel an obligation to squeeze into one person's house to visit, and have gone off to do their own thing, while That One Uncle and That One Aunt are presumably no longer invited to family gatherings (or at least gatherings that include my mother).

So nice, I guess.
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It's fall break. I get a week off, over Thanksgiving, and I'm home again.

Maybe I shouldn't have had the coffee on the drive over, but between a meeting with a professor being more than lenient and helpful about the things I could do to not fail her class, the unfortunately-becoming-habitual pre-travel panic attack and then coming home and finding out that my dad had a rather worrisome fall yesterday after donating blood, I was about ready to sprint right out of my childhood home to gods know where to escape the pressure of fucking everything.

I really thought coming home would help. I've been here maybe four hours and I want to run away, and I'm realizing that this has been my feeling about both home and school since at least the middle of last semester. Every time I'm about to leave one place for the other, I get to a point where I can't stand physically being there at all, and then when I leave the itch sets in in the new place almost immediately after. I...do in fact know what all of this probably means, but have no clue what to do about it other than complain into cyberspace and hope nobody actually hears me.

...Wow this post was maudlin. Jesus.
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Well, in proof of what positive stimuli can do, after a tremendously long, exhausting day, I watched The Losers with Roommate, who'd never seen it before, and now I'm going to bed more cheerfully than I woke up this morning. So there, world.
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It's Death's entreating Azrael at the end of Reaper Man: Lord, what can the harvest hope for, if not for the care of the Reaper Man?

It's on my left shoulder. I've scheduled an appointment in October for my second and possibly third. The second is a Harry Potter quote meant to be in dialogue with the Discworld one on the subject of mortality and humanity. /nerd

Unfortunately the side effects of any number of things from yesterday meant that when I took off the bandage (after the requisite four hours' keeping it on) to show my friends, I fainted and then was sick. Humiliating experiences for the fucking ages. However, if I just pretend it never happened, I may be able to avoid ritual suicide in the name of never facing friendgroup again.

That came out much bitterer than I'd hoped. No matter; I have a tattoo.

Home again

Sep. 15th, 2014 05:03 pm
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We got back from NDK at 10:30 last night and I proceeded to stay up til 11:45 catching up on tumblr. That's probably one of my more pathetic internet addictions. Con was fun though.
gen_is_gone: highly saturated image of stark tower with most of the letters blown away, leaving the ostentatious A (some assembly required)
It is the ninth of September. I have a Wal-mart gift card courtesy of said parents, and at twelve ten today Roommate and I are going to said superstore to buy Captain fucking America. It's been six months, many of which have abjectly sucked. I am buying this thing that makes me happy-sad and I really cannot stress enough how much I want it in my hands.
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Today Moonbeam and Roommate and another friend came over (well, Roommate didn't come over, she was already here) and we worked on costumes for NDK. It's a con. We're going to a con. On Friday. We're dressing as characters from Puella Magi Madoka Magica. It'll be my first out of state con, so I'm excited for it.

I don't know what this post is. I feel like I should post things though. I feel guilty when I don't. Whatever.
gen_is_gone: two one way arrows pointing in opposite directions (eqivalent of a shrug)
Beyond today being a nightmarish mire of Suck brought on by the worst cramps I've had in months-if-not-years, and the inevitable guilt and self-hatred and grade-related paranoia of missing two classes on the third day of school because I can't. fucking. move, this week's been okay.

I have an appointment for a consultation next Wednesday for at least one of my tattoos, and I am realizing with dismay that all three of my originally planned first tats are actually fucking long by tattoo standards, and that the place I'm going for them is actually fucking expensive by tattoo standards (although it's also nationally rated and specializes in text, hence my choosing it).

I am currently living in an apartment with three other people. They're nice.

NaNo is two months away and is already beginning to giving me serious anxiety headaches.

I want to watch things to distract myself, but I can't actually think of anything other than my precious Marvel movies I've seen sixty times and that I'm saving up for a re-watch with Moonbeam and Roommate and a few other friend peoples. Also I shouldn't be watching things, I should be attempting my fucking homework like a fucking adult so as not fail yet another fucking class. So in point of fact, I'm not doing anything, whether it be brain-turned-off happy distraction or actually important/useful work. This is not ideal.

Both the vid and the Super Sekret Project have stalled out, the vid because all of the technical difficulties are making me seriously want to avoid even thinking about it, and the SSP because it requires Alone Time. Like, no one in the building (or at least our apartment) level Alone Time, which is difficult to get with three other people sharing small space. We shall see how these progress.

That's about it.
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I took my cousin to the only water-park in the state, and then we went to see Guardians of the Galaxy. It was his first time seeing it, and my third, and while I liked it well enough, it probably wouldn't have been a movie I'd have seen more than once or twice had I not been taking friends/cousin. And you know, that wasn't the Marvel movie that ate my brain this year, so.

Yesterday I helped my friend bleach her hair. So that's a new experience.

Whatever

Aug. 17th, 2014 05:59 pm
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Well, I finally got an actual nice microphone, as a birthday gift, so work on the Super Sekret Project from a month ago finally gets to resume. And I finally found editable Winter Soldier footage so I can finish the godsdammed fanvid that's been sitting in my head for four weeks now*. And I'm finally crocheting again, which is comforting, if nothing else.

It's finally raining. It's been raining so much recently that our drought isn't considered at emergency levels anymore.

It's as if everything were stagnating all summer, everything building up like steam in a kettle and now finally, the pressure's built to breaking point, the whistle's sounded, the tea is getting poured and I can finally get on with my life. Not to be superstitious.





*Now I just have to get around the bit where actually working on it means I have to revisit the bank vault scene again in excruciating detail, over and over again. Fuck.
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So today I am twenty.

I haven't been on here in weeks due to a variety of Life Things driving this journal right the fuck out my mind, most importantly that after a very long struggle with cancer and dementia and fighting children, my grandmother died. Her oldest son and oldest daughter had both been waging war with my mother and other aunt and uncles for months before, and I'm not actually sure where things stand with them anymore because I haven't really been in anything like contact with most of my extended family since the funeral.

My parents and I just got back from a vacation to California, and I had a surprisingly good time for a vacation, despite four different days worth of quiet panic attacks at dinner from Overwhelming Human Contact.

I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, which probably explains the above, and can go on top of the growing pile of Things It Would Have Been Nice To Know Ten Years Ago.

In about two weeks I will go back to college, and while at the end of last semester all I could think about was how much I wanted to get home, now all I can think about is how desperate I am to get away again. Predictable.

So that's been the unimpressive story of the weeks I've been gone, out of contact with my friends and with this portion of the internet, because as it turns out, I'm as shit at online diary keeping as I am at the analogue kind. Hopefully I'll get back on track with this.
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Well so I worked myself into an almost anxiety attack over my lack of preparedness for DnD after three weeks of Real Life getting in the way of our groups being able meet up, and I walked into the friend's house we were meeting at, stood in the door for about two minutes then walked right the fuck back out. I just froze up and couldn't deal with any of my friends so I just...left. My phone's been on vibrate and stowed away in my purse and I've been sitting in a Starbucks for the past five hours to avoid arousing my mother's suspicions and having to explain why I didn't go. Luckily none of my friends saw me walk in or leave; everyone was in various other parts of the house and I'm pretty sure didn't even hear the door open, so at least I avoided some of that awkward. I almost went to see Winter Soldier again, and literally only stopped myself because I was in the wrong lane (on the right street, mind. That's how close I came) to get to the dollar theater. Oh ye gods, I'm so sick of summer.

Dear gods.

Jul. 5th, 2014 09:47 pm
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Work was busy from nine til about half an hour before I clocked out, the combination heat/humidity made me light-headed and short of breath, and now I'm so tired I can barely think, let alone type something witty. Why the fuck do I even have this blog? Do just enjoy shouting randomly into the vast nothing of cyberspace? Apparently I do.
gen_is_gone: blue and yellow text icon with the words "I reject your canon and write my own" in blue letters (fandom)
All gods, am I tired.

I came in at about twelve with another friend of mine, and we walked around and browsed the Artists' Alley for two hours, then at two I started closing shift. I got a very nice Winter Soldier print, two of the Kamala Khan Miss Marvel comics, a replacement Falcon poster for the one I lost, and a bunch of free stuff from vendors in thanks for helping out. That was nice of them.

Cosplay count (final total):
Captain Americas: +/- twenty-five
Annas and Elsas: four
SHIELD agents: four
UNIT agents(!!!): two
Ravens: two (one of whom was tiny and adorable and completely flipped out to have her picture taken with grownup Raven)
Harley Quinns: LEGIONS
Cecil Palmer/Kevin: three Cecils, two Kevins
Assorted X-men: Eight (including a phenomenal group cosplay with Storm, Rogue, Cyclops and Jubilee)
Tank Girls: one
Doctors: six Elevens, two Tens, four Fours and two different, non-affiliated older women doing femme!Five
People I went to elementary school with and haven't seen in years: two
Partridges in pear trees: one

After the floor closed the volunteers were tasked with helping vendors break down and pack up, and I was assigned to help dismantle our life-sized replica TARDIS. That was probably the most surreal and fun construction job I've done before.

I'm pretty much out of social for the week, so luckily I won't have to interact with anyone but my parents and my tutor until at least Wednesday. Then Friday it's back to the regular work and DnD schedule. This con has been amazing and I'm so proud of the work everyone did on it, and of how much fun I actually had. There were plenty of bumps in the road, but it was absolutely worth it.
gen_is_gone: blue and yellow text icon with the words "I reject your canon and write my own" in blue letters (fandom)
Today was my day off, and I wandered with a bunch of friends and my cousin. Ye gods, I am exhausted.

Cosplay count:
Thirteen Captain Americas
Four Winter Soldiers
Uncountable Green Arrows (wasn't expecting that to be the most popular costume this year)
A truly enormous Wompa

We also got to see Rocky Horror Picture Show with almost an entire theater full of virgins. That was amazing, though I am ridiculously grateful that the fourteen year old cousin had gone home by then.

I bought and then unfortunately lost a nice Falcon poster, and while I'm not upset money-wise (it only cost eight bucks) I really liked it. Fuck. After tomorrow this insane venture will be over and I will rest. Except no, not really, because school and work and fucking extended family. This is my rest. Whatever, it is pretty euphoric while it's happening.
gen_is_gone: blue and yellow text icon with the words "I reject your canon and write my own" in blue letters (fandom)
I'm volunteering today and Sunday, with Saturday as my day off to mingle and buy things. For starters, one of the paid people much higher up the food chain than myself either didn't order or didn't transport or something basically everything we need to begin with, including volunteer shirts and VIP gift packages. Our manager was able to smooth things out eventually, but (as in fairness is pretty usual) there was a lot of hurry up and wait.

Other than that and my poor footwear choices leading to aching feet, the con's been awesome so far.

Day one cosplay count:
One Pyramid Head (usually we get about five or six, but there will probably be more tommorrow)
One set of Avengers (including the Lady Sif!)
Three Deadpools (Leading to some great Thor/Deadpool and Deadpool/Deadpool action)
At least five Batmans
One Winter Soldier(!!!) Seriously though her costume was impeccable
One comicsverse Bucky Barnes
Two Captain Americas (One super femme, one very not)
A group of Hetalia cosplayers with very large flags
A group of Homestucks who surprisingly, weren't all trolls

Tomorrow is the costume contest, so I'd imagine we'll get rather a lot more.
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So most days, and by most days I mean about eleven months out of any given year, and about twenty-nine/thirty days out of every month, I don't give a damn about clothes. Cosplay is somewhat exempt from this, as are evenings out and other times where I'm socially obligated to wear formal wear. But on the average day, my appearance can at best be described as "presentable". I don't wear makeup, most of the time not even on formal occasions, my hair is short and straight enough that the only concessions I have to make to it are to wash it and run a comb through it, and my usual clothing choices consist of one of my dozen or so fan/logo T-shirts and either jeans or cargo pants, with a shorts option in summer because summers in Albuquerque are pretty unforgiving.

But in that one month out of twelve and in that one day out of thirty-odd, all of the feminine I don't have any use for otherwise comes out in a giant ball of makeup and vintage evening wear. This is the result of a particular mix of boredom and available time, and the kicker is I never do anything with it. I don't go anywhere or even take pictures. I just strut around a bit then get bored again and take everything off, but for a while it's fun and I look pretty.

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